The 1974 Introduction To The Gridiron Show – Charlie Allton September 14, 1974 | rmelton | Leave a comment Telling the history of Claremore…one story at a time. AS I REMEMBER By Charlie Allton The 1974 Introduction To The Gridiron Show Seems like its been a long, long time Since I stepped out here to rattle and rhyme But I tell you folks it’s a welcome sight To see you all out there tonight. I know you came to see what’s in store For the little old town in ’74. We had a good year in ‘73 Or that’s the way it seems to me. Oh! We had some difference of opinion, And one or two quarrels and a spat. But we held one or two elections And did away with that. Some tried for a charter government And spent a lot of cash in doing so But when the people went to the polls The biggest part of ‘em voted NO. A lot of folks shed salty tears When the good ship Charter sank. Even Donn Dodd cried a little out on the street But he smiled when he got in the bank. The school bonds passed without any heat But it’s always been the rule That Claremore just won’t hold back When it comes to helping the school. We held a multi-county library election And most of the folks, forsooth, Couldn’t even find the library But they sure found the voting booth. We sent ole Clem to Congress And thot we had done something swell But he took one look at the Potomac And didn’t like it so well. I said, “Clem, how did you like Washington?” He said, “Uncle, I’d a liked it just fine, If it was west of Arkansas, Northeast of Texas, And south of the Kansas line.” “No place there to pasture a cow, No place for a horse to roam And Donna and me and little Bart Just like it better here at home.” Now I was kinda glad to know That he wasn’t pleased back there ‘Cause we’ve got a place down here where he’ll fit And that’s in the Governor’s chair. Now a lot of folks got kinda panicky About a shortage of energy; But I’ve been bothered with a shortage all my life And it sure don’t worry me. When I was a kid just growing up My brother and me and my pa Would take care of our energy problem With a chopping ax and a crosscut saw. They use electricity now for a hundred things Like cooking, and sweeping the floor, And washing dishes and opening cans; Some of ‘em open and shut the door. Makes living mighty easy with All those gadgets and tricks But when the transformer blows on a story night They sure are in a helluva fix. When we had a tough local problem We just did the best that we could And the government didn’t help us Nor did we think they would. Now they send in a big bunch of experts And they rant and rave and shout And choke each other with twelve syllable words But none of ‘em know what they’re talking about. A manually operated adjunct Ambidexterously used in the Annihilation of excessive vegetation To aid in ecological escalation And pollutionary eradication. Now ain’t that a lick to see How far that nincompoop would go Do you know what he was trying to describe? Just a plain old garden hoe. They’ve changed the way of teaching school And I guess it’s all for the best. I know I’d hate to be in the fifth grade now And have to pass the test. These kids can look at the pictures and read thru the book But they can’t tell “P” from “Q”. They know the distance around the moon But they can’t add six and two. Now our method of education Would be considered kinda slow Cause ‘rithmetic’ and reading and spelling Was about as far as we could go. Would you listen while I tell you how I learned my A. B. C. I learned it as a poem at my little mother’s knee. Now folks that’s all of 70 years But I can see her laughing yet As she tried to teach her knotheaded young one The Animal Alphabet: Alligator, beetle, porcupine, whale Bob-o-link, panther, dragon fly, snail Crocodile, monkey, buffalo, hare Dromedary, leopard, mud-turtle, bear Elephant, badger, pelican, ox Flyingfish, reindeer, anaconda, fox Guineapig, dolphin, antelope, goose Hummingbird, weasel, pickerel, moose Ibex, rhinoceros, owl, kangaroo Jackal, opossum, toad, cockatoo Kingfisher, peacock, anteater, bat Lizard, ichneumon, honeybee, rat Mockingbird, camel, grasshopper, mouse Nightingale, spider, cuttlefish, grouse Ocelot, pheasant, wolverine, auk Periwinkle, ermine, katydid, hawk Quail, hippopotamus, armadillo, moth Rattlesnake, lion, woodpecker, sloth Salamander, goldfish, angle worm, dog Tiger, flamingo, scorpion, frog Unicorn, ostrich, nautilus, mole Viper, gorilla, basilisk, sole Whippoorwill, beaver, centipede, fawn Xanthus, canary, polliwog, swan Yellowhammer, eagle, hyena, lark Zebra, chameleon, butterfly, shark. Now I see you’re getting tired And I guess I’d better go ‘Cause I don’t want to see you leave And miss the rest of this show. We know you’re gonna enjoy the songs And we hope you’ll like the jokes We built it all for your pleasure ‘Cause you’re our kind of folks. Lisiting of Introductions for Claremore Gridiron 1970-1977 The 1970 Introduction To The Gridiron Show The 1971 Introduction to the Gridiron Show The 1972 Introduction to the Gridiron Show The 1974 Introduction to the Gridiron Show The 1975 Introduction to the Gridiron Show The 1976 Introduction to the Gridiron Show The 1977 Introduction to the Gridiron Show